F**k you, I’m two

This is not a post I’m proud to write, but one I think (hope) other parents can relate to. 

S is growing quickly. Every day sees a new skill, or new word. He is a pint sized sponge. Absorbing everything around him (even when he’s seemingly not paying attention) devouring every new bit of information that he can lay his eyes and ears on. He can count to 10 in French and English, he knows the days of the week, he’s starting to use the potty more than he uses nappies, he can pedal around on his bike, and he can use full sentences. 

“Oh F**k I dropped it mama”

Inevitably, as the child of a potty mouthed parent, he’s picked up a few curse words. 

Now. Bonus points for using them in context, but man do I feel like a failure when these words fall out of his angelic little face. 

“Oh Hell fire and damnation” 

“You silly old bat” 

(Thank you for those Grand-mère!) 

We’re at that point where we are desperately trying to rewind. To make him “forget” these new words he’s picked up. We’re a bilingual family! Surely it can’t be that difficult to replace the swears with other fascinating words? 

We ignore the swear words, try and replace the swear words, offer a slightly different word, “No it’s pronounced like this” 

But he’s not daft. He knows. He must know. Maybe we have reacted to it too much. I wanted the ground to swallow me up the other day when S ran round the house in front of our dinner guest repeatedly shouting F********ck at the top of his lungs. 

I’m not entirely sure how to make it stop. Reducing my own swearing is a start (not easy when you are battling a massive temper yourself!) and making sure hubby swears less especially when watching bike racing. 

“Oh Sh*t Daddy, big crash”

Reminding friends to please not swear around him, and trying not to watch tv shows that contain swearing when he’s still awake. 

I’m not sure what else to do. Well meaning friends tell me that he will pick up worse once he starts school, but right now it looks like he will be the one teaching his new amis how to be a potty mouth. 

I tell myself it’s not all doom and gloom. He can also be such a polite and charming little boy, 

Pleased to meet you

Please may I leave the table

Thank you for dinner Mama

Good morning squish face, I love you (Squish face is the nickname for his little sister) 

Then he swears, and I’m consumed by mama guilt and an overwhelming feeling of failure. 

Did your children go through a phase of swearing? How did you resolve it? Will I ever be able to take him out in public again? 


Naptime Natter

12 thoughts on “F**k you, I’m two

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  1. Ahh it makes you feel awful when they swear doesn’t it. My husband is awful for swearing in front of our 3 year old and I have heard him repeat f*ck quite a lot. I try not to make a big deal, we just tell him that’s a word only for grown ups! Good luck with trying to unteach the bad words. Thanks for linking up to #BlogCrush

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post, i think every parent has had this. I swear a lot and my little boy (now 5) knlws what swear words are and if i accidently say one now he tells me its a swear word and its naughty. I tell him he misheard and i actually said fudging sugar. As hard as it might be especially in front of other people, we found ignoring him worked best. Then after a while telling about naughty words and that he should never use them. He now doesnt even want to tell us the word someone has said at school

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi gorgeous !
    I can totally relate to this, I can remember when Liam was 2,I told him off for doing something wrong and he very dramatically dragged his feet across the room with a perfectly pronounced grumbling “oh putain…” 😱
    We had a second episode a few months ago, when Liam decided the until I was blasting my horn at was a “connasse” (even though he was a man 😂)
    So we picked a word that is quite cute out of our contexte but it’s our not so naughty, naughty word (if that makes sense). Maybe that could work for Sebastien too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha. I remember my dad telling me how I used to call people a “pillow” (pillock) when I was little. Definitely have to find an alternative word. I briefly considered something French.. but that’s a bad idea as he’s definitely bilingual now! It’s so hard not to laugh though!


  4. I love this post! I’m not a mother, but I can totally relate to this none the less- I have little cousins who I have to be extra careful around, as they are far too often repeating naughty words taught to them by their older and (not so) wiser cousins!

    I’m sure that it’s just a phase- before you know it, no notice will be taken of momma!

    M X


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do hope so! Thank you for taking the time to comment! I was once the naughty cousin accidentally teaching swear words to little people. Karma! I’m being much more mindful of my language now!


  5. It was at about 3 years old when I learned to watch what I said around my kids. Even now my son, who has selective hearing is adopting new phrases like “You heard!” when I say pardon. He’s not swearing anymore, but the sarcasm and flippancy is beginning. Good luck in rewinding the process.

    Liked by 1 person

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